10 days & 100+ hours of silent meditation later, I’ve completed my first Vipassana course.
The experience was one of the most challenging I’ve ever faced in life. There were many moments where I wanted to scream, pull my hair out, and throat punch everyone around me. I questioned my sanity and my desire to stay there, doing nothing but meditating all day every day. On other days, I was filled with the powerfully positive virtues of compassion, love, and gratitude for all the good in my life. On those days, I never wanted the meditation sitting to end.
I’ve written a brief sort of digest about how I spent my 2019–2020 New Year’s Eve this year below, in an FAQ format. Read if you’re intrigued, and reach out if you’d like to discuss. 🧘🏽♂️
Frequently asked questions on Vipassana meditation
Q: Vipassana? What’s that?
A: Vipassana is a meditation technique. It’s said that it was first honed and mastered by Siddhartha Gautama the Buddha, in India over 2500 years ago. After the practice was lost in India as Buddhism declined, it wasn’t until the 19th century in Burma that the modern manifestation of the technique emerged. From there, a Burmese-Indian rich businessman named Satya Naryan Goenka brought Vipassana to India, where he began teaching courses and setting up centers all around India. He’s the guy who is essentially the figurehead of the practice today.
“Passana” means “seeing or perceiving” in Pali, a classical and ancient language widely used in Buddhist texts. The “Vi” prefix basically means “in a special way.” In that way, Vipassana meditation is about cultivating insight into the mind and body — with the goal of perception of their pure and fundamental reality.
People all over the world learn Vipassana by attending courses of varying lengths- the introductory course being 10 days. You show up, agree to abstain from killing, stealing, sexual activity, lying, and any intoxicants, and relinquish your phone and any books, music or other distractions to the centre for the duration of the course. You also agree to observe the precept of noble silence, in which you abstain from any and all verbal or non-verbal communication, including reading and writing.
Q: So like, zero talking ever?
A: The idea is to foster mental silence and clear out the noise from the stimulation your brain is so used to from media and technology. You’re able to sign up for a 5 minute discussion per day with the teacher in case you have questions about the technique, and can talk to the course manager in case of any issues, but are on your own journey and not meant to disturb other meditators. In our case, the course manager was a Spanish guy with long dreadlocks, flowing elephant pants and a great sense of humor, energy, and on-top-of-his-shit-ness. I very much appreciated his support and presence.
Q: What is the actual meditation like, though? How does it compare to other styles?
A: The technique has two key components: 1- awareness and 2- equanimity. During sittings, you listen to recordings of Goenka instructing you to begin observing your respiration and sensations throughout your body- itches, pains, pleasant tingling, sweat, vibrations- anything you happen to be feeling when you bring your attention to that part of the body. If you feel nothing, just wait. You need to sharpen your mind so it’s better able to discern even the subtlest sensations on your body.
He then says to observe everything with equanimity. This basically means maintaining a balanced mind and not reacting to any sensation with craving or aversion. If you have an itch, don’t react- realize it’s impermanent. If you feel like your body has suddenly dissolved and it feels awesome and you’re one with the universe (people actually report this kind of thing) don’t get too attached- it too will pass. Your body is constantly changing. Everything in life is constantly changing. Everything in life is impermanent. Each sitting has Goenka’s voice at the beginning and end, with both instructions for the sitting and chants in Pali. To me, the chants, rife with nasal vocal fry and always far too long, sounded like a dying animal that also happened to be tone deaf. But I very much appreciated the volition of positive energy behind them.
Certain sittings would be sittings of “strong determination”, in which we were told to not move our bodies at all throughout the entire hour long sitting. Though these were some of the most difficult components of the whole course, it really felt like an accomplishment to complete a sitting and believe that you’re making progress in gaining better control over your mind.
Q: And that’s it? You just sit for hours and hours every day observing your breath and sensations?
A: There’s a strict timetable that lays out each block of time from 4am until 9pm. The day begins at 4 with the ring of a gong, jumps right into a 2 hour sitting, and continues. Each day comes out to be about 10.5 hours of meditation. There are meals, rest periods, a tea break and an evening discourse that fill the other 4.5 waking hours. It really is eat, sleep, meditate.
Some things I did on breaks: counted every stone on the path from the dining hall to the dormitories (383), sat on a bench and drank tea, had a staring contest with a rabbit, sat on a log and drank tea, inspected each and every tree in the garden up close, sat on a rock and drank tea, watched the sky change colors, made up stories about the people living in the houses that dotted the mountain in the distance, paced the garden very slowly wrapped in a blanket, napped, and stretched.
Q: Is it religious?
A: Vipassana touts itself as non-sectarian and as teaching universal truths that are revelatory of the laws of nature. After all, who can object to teaching morality and gaining mastery of your own mind? It does have roots in Buddhist teaching, and there are discussions about reincarnation, Buddha’s apparent enlightened discovery of quantum mechanics, and plenty of chanting.
Q: Sounds kinda culty.
A: You’re not wrong. Despite this, I think the evening discourses, which were 1 hour videos of Goenka further explaining the technique to students during a 10 day course in 1991 helped to reduce my skepticism. He provides helpful and relevant examples, tells funny stories, and shares his personal experience, peppering in metaphors and aphorisms here and there for flavor.
Q: What’s the food like?
A: Breakfast was always the same- a buffet selection of tea, instant coffee, porridge, fruits, cornflakes with milk, oats, honey, granola, yogurt, and bread with jam and butter. There was also a separate bread & tomatoes station. A classic Catalan breakfast/snack is toasted bread rubbed with garlic and tomato, drizzled with olive oil and salt, and I think this was the sad, cold version of that. Over time, I perfected my breakfast platter- porridge with bananas, brown sugar and cinnamon, on oat and granola bowl with yogurt and honey, and two pieces of bread, one with tomatoes and olive oil, and one with jam and butter. Lunch varied but was always pretty good- pasta, veggies, soups, rice, salad- all veg and no meat. On day 3, there was this chocolate pudding for dessert that definitely made my body dissolve. Food will definitely vary by center and geography.
Q: Why did you decide to do this?
A: I always wanted to cultivate a practice of meditation, having felt some benefit from it in the past, but had been inconsistent about practicing. I also felt I wanted a break from my dopamine-seeking distract-ivities, and thought an immersive meditation course would be a great and restorative confluence of these things. Even if all I got from the 10 day course was a digital detox, it would be worth it.
I had also had several discussions with close friends who had completed 10 day courses in India and the US. So thanks to Saket, Rishad, Alexa, and Matt for the inspiration and for drawing the path to this torture.
Q: How much does it cost?
A: All Vipassana courses are 100% free to attend- all food, lodging, etc. At the end of the course, students are asked to donate to the center if they feel they experienced some benefits, and like this, courses around the world continue thanks to the pay-it-forward mentality of meditators. You can also sign up to serve a 10 day course as a cook, manager, or really whatever is needed.
Q: What sort of people did you meet that attended the course?
A: I met a panoply of awesome people, all of whom shared the same quality- a sharp sense of candid humor. I genuinely appreciated this. I befriended a Dutch NLP Phd researcher and lindy hop dancer, a former petrol engineer turned English teacher, an afro European working at a Fab lab, a young Nepalese University student who lives in Berlin, a Québécois “devil dancer” (don’t ask me what this means, I still have no idea) and philosophy of movement professor who has done nine 10 day courses, and many others from places like Syria, Germany, and of course Spain.
Q: How do you feel, following the course?
A: I feel that I have better control of my emotions and anxiety. I feel more confident and balanced. I feel motivated to continue learning and practicing. I’m also glad to be back to my noisy, connected life.
One common theme of my wandering thoughts was the importance of relationships in my life- good and bad, past and present, far and near- and how thankful I am for the people in my life.
The experience is not a panacea and it was not unrealistically earth-shattering. It was intense, frustrating, and extremely personally rewarding. Though I voiced to my teacher that I was a bit disappointed I did not experience some of the more intense pleasant sensations Goenka and other students talked about, he provided a gentle reminder that it takes time and complete lack of craving for those sensations. It’s not always about achieving, it’s about seeing everything for what it is- including your progress.
If all of this sounds insane, I was right there with you. But really- your mind is incredibly powerful, given the time and the space to be…and to breathe.
Q: Would you do it again?
A: Definitely….in a year or two. Or longer.
Q: Where can I do one of these 10 day courses?
A: You can find a center on dhamma.org.
